Monday, September 20, 2004
i hate the way im so lazy,
i hate the way im always unhappy,
i hate it when i start to think,
i hate the way my mind cant think rationally,
i hate the way im wasting my time,
i hate to be in a state of unknowningness,
i hate to admit that my happiness depends on you,
i hate to think that i have no particular direction in life,
i hate to think that things will never be the same again,
i hate the way i dont undersantd why things happen,
i hate the way how other's lives can seem so perfect,
i hate the way im caught in an abyss of dreams,
i hate to think "why me"
i hate to think "why not me"
i hate the way my life is in a whirl,
i hate it the way my happiness is only temporal,
i hate to be depressed,
i hate the way i dont hate you,
i hate the way i cant pick myself up,
i hate to find out things that make me upset.
i hate the way little things have such a big impact on me,
i hate to see things happening the way they are now,
i hate to come to terms with reality,
i hate the way i live in self delusion,
i hate the way i always feel so dejected,
i hate to be on an emotional rollercoaster ride,
i hate to admit that all i have is myself,
i hate the way i cruise in and out of hate mode.
i hate the way i hate.
sigh.
hate is just too strong a word.
i swear there's something wrong with me. even my dad thinks so.
but no one can help me. cos no one will and can ever really understand what im going through. so i guess its just me, myslef, and i left at the end of the day. my life is just so un-peachy now. i'd give up anything [ok maybe not anything, but it just shows how much i want it to get better :\]just to make it a tad bit better.
can someone please tell me how to make my life not seem so w r o n g ?
i need you like ive never needed you before.
remembered this on 1:27 AM
Sunday, September 19, 2004
ooooh im going bonkers. i cannot concentrate anymoreee. ok not as if i ever could. but i was doing ratherrr well jes now - the first 30 mins, if thats counted. haha. i think its too late and my brain refuses to function anymore. but i shall not resign to my fate. i shall peservere. ha ha.
my day was quite unproductive. spent four hours watching softball matches when i could have been at home trying to study. haha. but it was quite interesting to watch a real game. wahhh ngee ann's pitcher is g0su. super stylo and accurate. haha. other den that i really didnt have any idea what i was doing for the rest of the day. so how i had better do something to make myself feel more accomplished. i dont like days like this.
it feels good to know that you're the one that friends come to for help or the person they choose to talk to when they have problems. makes me feel important (: but then again if you realise that you cant be of much help den its quite zzed. but it doesnt matter larh i guess, as long as you're THERE to listen. oh well.
how ironical. the things people say.
-
shi ying wei wo tai ai ni
remembered this on 2:24 AM
