rahrahann!

Saturday, April 09, 2005

for the first time in my life, i dread being home alone.
usually when i hear everyone will be out for the night i'll do a little dance in my heart. but now i want everyone to come back home. i feel so alone and i hate this feeling.

i use to hate it when my grandmother would ask me the same question over and over again wishing i could shut her up sometimes.

i use to hate her incessant nagging for me to study hard.

i use to hate how my grandfather kept asking me what i wanted for dinner.

i use to hate how they'd ask me to do things for them cos they didnt want to walk up and down the steps so many times.

now,

i miss knowing that whenever i come home, i will never be alone cos kong kong and mama will always be at home and i'd have someone to talk to no matter how bad my day was. i miss running up the stairs when i get home only to be stopped by her asking how my day was. i miss her asking me "sua makan bulom?" i miss her and her small talk asking about how each of my friends are, her main motive being gab in particular. i miss her nagging that there's so much food at home so i should eat more and not spend so much money outside. i miss the random study breaks i take in her room, often ending with me munching on the array of titbits stored in a little corner and watching tv serials with her. i miss sharing the food that she buys but not being able to finish. i miss the little things she'd buy on her weekly outings with kongkong.

i miss walking pass the room seeing him lying in the weirdest sleeping positions with my grandmother sitting in that little green chair. i miss how her was the only one who could cut the pineapple in the exact way i wanted it to be. i miss him asking me what special requests i have for the dinner menu (i dont even have proper food now cos my maid is new and she cant really cook). i miss his mee goreng, i miss seeing him the first thing in the morning when i walk down the stairs sitting at the dining table reading the papers with his specs half way down his nose. i miss all those times when he'd peer over my shoulder, asking to take a look at the notes that i were reading. i miss those mini business talks, i miss how he'd update me on the latest consumer price index and the yearly GDP, saying that it'd help me in my econs. he was the only one who cared.

i promise i'll never complain about running up and down just to fill the water jug for you, i promise i'll never get annoyed when you ask me to check the email for new pictures of the cousins, i promise i'll come home for dinner everyday and eat up all the food you cook, i promise i'll not take the phone out of your room and never place it back in the same place, i promise i'll study hard, i promise .. if only you'd come home.

anyway, happy 19th birthday marlon. gnomes like millyy are strong, and so are you. dont worry, we're both growing old together. thanks for being a friend (:

remembered this on 12:01 AM

Monday, April 04, 2005

its only 822 in the morning and i've eaten 3 gingernut biscuits, 1 sausage roll, a handful of cashew nuts and almonds and some choclolates. WAHWAHWAH. somebody save me please. nevermind, TO THE GYM I COMEEEE (:

so anyway, exams are overrrr. they were quite ok except that i didnt know how to do one 12 mark question for econs. actually i did but i didnt think aggregate savings could be negative!!!!! yeah so when i got a negative answer i thought something was really wrong even though i was quite sure the formula was quite correct so i changed the WHOLE freaking table. and self deducted 12 marks from my final score. boohoo.

edit//

haha i didnt end up going to the gym today but instead i slept for another three hours after and ate more fried rice and three pieces of pork chops. oh dearie me. and now i have a sudden craving for tandoori chicken and naan and curry.

WoW update, im now level 8andahalf cos haven't been playing much. but today i just completed 2 quests and i died thrice cos when i was level 7, i had to kill level 9 nad 10 trolls and while i was killing one, others kept coming at me. bah. haha but i cheated abit after that cos i got gab to help me. haha and i can safely say that i'm not addicted cos after awhile i'll just get quite tired of it and stop so that's quite good.

haha after reading the previous paragraph over and over again, it actually sounds quite silly. but WoW really is quite fun when you're bored and when people leave you to go and sleep.

hi sam! seeee, i updated for you. heex. yes yes i'm so glad the exams went well. now i'm so free. i can't wait for you to get home and we can go outtt and walk and walk and walk and walk for the longest time again (:

sometimes i wonder

remembered this on 8:22 AM